How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
