I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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