girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
