Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
