I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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