dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
