did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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