you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
