She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mom said you looked used
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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