I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
