Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
40s are totally the cure
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize