WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
