I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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