He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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