mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize