My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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