I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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