even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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