Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
