All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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