the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
