so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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