There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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