Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
