Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
