This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
