I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i drank out of a bidet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're using joints as your birthday candles
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
