hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize