took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
