new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
