i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
