Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
