i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
