Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
