I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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