so that wasnt chicken after all
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
