I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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