my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
