at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
