i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
