yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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