if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize