we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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