you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
