They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
