What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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