How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
