So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize