thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
