i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
