I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
