Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
