Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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