Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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