I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
