the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
