im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
