We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
