If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
