so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
