Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
