Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
