A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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