Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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