I am puke
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
