this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
