dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
