Who wears a wallet chain?!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
