yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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