Your mouth is God's brothel.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He? As in you personified your dick?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
